Texting with Indie Boy: Gaga vs. The Clapper

(I had recently purchased several CDs, and was listening to them while at work.  An unexpected vocal track prompted me to text Indie Boy at home.)

Me:  Um, one of the songs on Mogwai’s new album uses auto-tune.  Scary.

Indie Boy:  Damn auto tune!

Me:  On another note, Lady Gaga* totally ripped a synth line from Depeche Mode’s Strangelove for one of her album tracks.

IB:  Did she give them any writing credit?

Me:  Nope.  I wonder if they’ve heard it?

IB:  I can’t imagine them being ok with someone ripping them off.  Especially someone as shitty as her who happens to be selling a lot of records.  Imagine the royalties they’re not getting!

Me:  Fletch is the business guy in the bunch.  He should go clap** at her!  In your face, Gaga!  *clap*  That would be awesome!

IB:  She wouldn’t understand.  She’d probably just clap along with him

Me:  Man, you can’t beat Andy Fletcher at the clapping game.  He’s The Clapper!  He can turn you off [and] on by the sheer force of mashing his hands together.

IB:  So he’s the “master clapper”?  The clapper who all other clappers are judged by?

Me:  I mean Gaga may emerge from an egg on the Grammies, but he will eat a banana on stage.  While “playing”.  And then, the clapping.

IB:  That is the very definition of “talent.”

Me:  He’s got a PhD in clapping, bitch!  (Side note, my autocorrect turned “bitch” into “birch”.  That makes me laugh.)

IB:  But does he have a black belt in clapping?

IB:  Or a gold medal?

Me:  Hmmm.  He does wear black a lot, so I would presume so.  He could totally clap Jet Li under a table.

Me:  Well, he’s a professional, so he wouldn’t be eligible for the Clapping Olympics.

IB:  Lady gaga should watch her back then.

Me:  Agreed.

IB:  You should send him an email so the “clapdown” can begin.

Me:  I’ll post it on their Facebook page.  That’ll get it going.

Me:  But no Tweeting.  I refuse to Tweet.

IB:  Watch out gaga!

Me:  This is why I’m glad there was no such thing as texting while I was in high school/college.  All my time would have been spent like this…

IB:  Didn’t you ever pass notes in class?

Me:  Oh, yeah.  We had notebooks full of notes back and forth.  But with texting, we wouldn’t need to be in the same class.

IB:  So true.

Me:  You do realize that this entire ridiculous conversation is going on my blog, right?

Me:  For posterity.

IB:  I wouldn’t expect anything else.

*Yes, god help me, I bought a Lady Gaga CD.  Used, though!  That’s important!  All money went to the record store only and not her.  Plus it was only six bucks.  I blame Glee for doing such a fun rendition of “Telephone” that I decided that I liked it.  Plus “ra-ra-ooh-la-la” finally worked itself into my brain.  Strangely, my favorite track on the album was “Teeth,” which is pretty much nothing like her singles.  More songs like that, and Indie Boy might not chastise me so much for owning it.

**If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just Google “Andy Fletcher” + clapping.  He’s kind of known for spending more time on stage clapping than actually playing the synth in front of him.  For  good reason.

Sadly, his Wikipedia page makes no mention of the clapping, which is just shoddy work on behalf of the contributor, in my opinion.

An Open Letter To Whomever I Inadvertantly Pissed Off

Okay, look.  I’m sorry.  I have no idea what I did, but I’m sorry.  I mean, I try to be a good person, really I do, but I know I can’t be perfect.  Maybe I bought the last slice of pizza, or was driving to slow, or you overhead me making fun of Nickelback.  I apologize profusely, it will never happen again.  (Okay, that’s a bald faced lie, because there’s nothing to prevent me from bad-mouthing Nickelback, for they are horrible.)

But seriously, there has to be something I can do to make this up to you, or to at least convince you to put down the damn voodoo doll and let me get some sleep.  Seriously, this is what I have been picturing every night for the last damn week:

I mean, at least today is Saturday, so my alarm wasn’t going off at 6:30 a.m., but I still felt pretty tired when I dragged myself out of bed.  And I want it to stop, dammit.  Stop!!

Sincerely, the ever repentant Katharama

*     *     *     *    *

Now that we’re done with that, um, hi!  What’s up?  I know I’ve been remiss at posting.  I attempting to upload a video of the kittehs and the hilariousness that ensues at meal time from my phone a couple of weeks back, but the video wouldn’t show up.  Maybe I have to put it on YouTube first?  I don’t know.  But not too much has been happening (other than the fact that I lost 10 pounds!).  However, that may be changing soon.  For here are a list of confirmed activities (as in tickets bought, definitely going to happen) coming up between now and the end of October:

• Family reunion in Kansas
• Gogol Bordello concert (okay, technically it’s Gogol Bordello opening for Primus, which is like, WTF, Gogol should totally be the headliner, but who’s going to complain when it means we can leave without hearing one single note from Les Claypool’s bass – seriously, the only good thing that band has ever done is the South Park theme)
• The Watson Twins concert
• Built to Spill concert
• Five day work trip to D.C.
• A whirlwind trip to Boston (bookended onto the D.C. trip) to see Amanda Palmer in Cabaret – seriously, I’m taking the train from D.C. (a six-plus hour ride), going to the show, getting on the train back to D.C. the next morning and flying home that evening
• A five day vacation to Seattle with Indie Boy to celebrate the 4th anniversary of our first date – did I mention that this is less than a week after I get back from D.C.?
• Pixies concert, three days after we return from Seattle
• Of Montreal concert the day before my birthday

Now, here are the other things which will very likely occur, but which we just haven’t gotten tickets or confirmation yet:

• She & Him concert (which is the day after the Built to Spill show and two days before my D.C. trip)
• Possibly a baseball game on the day in between She & Him and the trip
• Possible work training in Dallas, the week after we return from Seattle
• Concert by Those Darlins
• Concert by The Retribution Gospel Choir (the night after Those Darlins)
• Ben Folds with the Colorado Symphony
• Roller Derby Regional Tournament
• West Side Story on my actual birthday
• David Sedaris two days after my birthday

Bear in mind that, other than the baseball game and the roller derby tournament, none of these events occurs in the actual town in which I live, requiring at least a one hour drive.

It’s like, the whole first half of the year, not a damn thing was going on, and now, now, it’s crazy.  My cats are totally going to forget what I look like, and I’m going to have no money.  None.  But it will be so awesome and fun, who cares right?  Right.  Besides, I’m helping the economy or something.

*   *   *   *   *

On a final note, when I logged into WordPress today, I naturally looked at my stats, knowing full well that there wouldn’t be a huge amount of hits, just because I haven’t been writing much.  But there actually were some hits, almost all for this post.  The search terms that brought people to this post?

• Burlesque movie
• “male nudity” netflix instant
• Ewan McGregor naked
• Gretchen Mol pregnant
• Naked guy

Clearly, I need to spend more time writing about nudity and/or celebrities in order to generate those precious, precious hits from web surfers.

Cobwebs? Here?

Yeah, I got nothing. Well, I have something, but not necessarily anything I want to publish on the internet. So in lieu of me writing a real post, enjoy some kids singing about scholarship. Fun!