Ridiculous maladies/injuries of which I have been afflicted in the past two months

1.  Giant, pus-filled abscess above my left eye. Thanks to WebMD, I initially misdiagnosed this on a Friday night as pink-eye, despite the absence of, well, pink in my eyes.  It wasn’t until Monday, after waking up with swollen eyelids for two days and noticing that what I had presumed to be a pimple/ingrown hair on my eyebrow had grown into a giant bit of squishy nastiness, that I went to the doctor and got the official diagnosis.  Thank goodness I have bangs.

2.  Sliced open my left index finger with a butter knife while attempting to pry the lid off of a bottle of dishwashing detergent. As Indie Boy noted, if that had been a steak knife, we would have been in the ER.  I had no idea butter knives could actually cause that much damage.

3.  Burned my back with a heating pad. And when I say “burned my back” I don’t mean, “oh, my that was rather warm and uncomfortable, so maybe I should turn it down a notch.”  I mean, “a small section of the heating pad melted, burned a hole through the slipcover, and actually left a burn mark on my back for several weeks.”  Sadly, it was the smell that alerted me to the issue, not the actual burning sensation.

4.  Scuffed eyeball with edge of pillowcase. Yes, while laying on my stomach and shaking my head to some questions from Indie Boy, I got too close to the edge of the pillowcase, which in turn pulled up my eyelid, resulting in me rubbing my actual eyeball along the fabric.  Ouch.

5.  Gouging shin – through a pair of jeans – on the corner of a TV stand. I think the cable company is behind this, since they’re not getting my money anymore.  Weeks later, it is still visible and sensitive to the touch.  Awesome.

I am both a klutz and a magnet for odd maladies and injuries.  These are just the items from the top of my head covering the last few weeks.  I mean, we haven’t even gotten into last year, where I was clawed in the eyelid by a startled cat at four a.m., or the year before, where I sliced open my middle finger on my right hand with a broken glass, necessitating a trip to the emergency room at 1 in the morning, only to have them just rebandage it rather than stitch it – not because it was an inconsequential scratch but because I actually shaved off a big chunk of skin rather than just cutting it, so there wasn’t anything to stitch together.  I still have a raised scar from that.

In other words, be careful around me lest my klutziness wear off onto you.

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1 Comment

  1. […] other updates, I have managed to, once again, stupidly injure myself.  One of the cats had thrown up in the basement (I know, gross – you wouldn’t believe […]


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