Earlier today, I was enjoying the wonder that is Netflix instant viewing by watching a burlesque documentary, A Wink and A Smile (which was quite good, actually). After I watched it, I looked at some of the comments on the Netflix page, as I like to compare how I judged it to other’s perspectives. Some of the comments were interesting, but there was one guy – I’ll call him Conway Titty – who felt that the movie was okay if you “have no particular interest in nudity” or care about the stories of these “noticeably unattractive” women. And I was just kind of like, huh. I certainly wasn’t watching the film for the hope of nudity (I mean, it is burlesque, so I wasn’t expecting anyone to be buttoned up, but still). And I certainly didn’t find any of the women “noticeably unattractive.” Sure, they didn’t look like the airbrushed, plastic women the media consistently pushes on us as ideal, but unattractive? Really? Hell, if anything, these women were more attractive than the botoxed Stepford clones so prevalent in Hollywood.
So then apparently my masochistic side took over, and I decided to read some of Conway’s other reviews. And man there were a lot – over 200 (needless to say, I didn’t make it through all of them). And while there were some fairly legitimate reviews mixed in, a lot came down to bared flesh. He didn’t know who Bettie Page was, but Conway apparently watched The Notorious Bettie Page in the hope of nudity (since it was “the only point of interest”). The nudity got three stars, although he would have given it more if “they had chosen an actress that looks better naked.” Yeah, that Gretchen Mol sure is hideous.
But as I foolishly kept reading, I discovered that perhaps Conway just really isn’t right in the head. You see, he also reviewed a number of pregnancy and/or breastfeeding videos, and then complained about the lack of nudity in some of them. He harped on TLC’s A Baby Story for blocking out or pixilating the women’s privates (because broadcast TV shows are generally okay with showing bare breasts and genitalia). He complained that some of the pregnant women didn’t want to be shown naked. He complained that the breastfeeding videos didn’t show any naked breasts. And I was just astounded as to how he had completely missed the point of these shows.
Mr. Titty, if all you’re looking for in a program is nudity, there is an abundance of porn available 24 hours a day on the internet. Seriously. I mean, I don’t complain if a hot naked guy shows up in a movie (hello Ewan McGregor!), but that’s not the only reason I watch. And if it’s your only reason, maybe you should get out more. Just saying.
Speaking of Ewan, let’s end this post with some yumminess.
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Wow using NetFlix for your porn outlet is more than sad. Mr Touched in the head and touching himself needs to see a shrink
As a lover of male nudity, I feel compelled to follow Conway Titty’s example and start trolling reviews for documentaries about track & field, construction work, high-diving, drum circles and other activities often featuring partially clad men, and then bitch about how hey didn’t flash their junk at the camera or go down on each other. Oh Conway, are there not enough douchebags in this world and, worse, they have found the internet?
But to my point: nice pic of Oh-Bi-Mine Wan, Kat! xD I guess I am a hypocrite, because Ewan has, on occasion, been known to open the tackle box for the camera. But that does NOT mean I’m going to watch Phantom Menace, then write a douchy review saying, incorrectly, that Ewan was “not particularly attractive” and failed to strip of those itchy Jedi robes. Mr. Titty is hereby sentenced, from now on, to have access only to nude pix of JarJar. Cruel? Yes. Unusual? Very. Punishment? Oh god, how could it not be!?!? But he deserves it. =^.^= –Teh Fox
You know, subsequent to this post, I watched a non-nude Ewan McGregor movie, Stay. Which was, by the way terrible. I mean ghastly. And my opinion had nothing to do with his failure to get his kit off, and everything to do with the ham-fisted, wanna-be avant garde camera work, the ridiculous script and dialog, and the wooden acting from all of the leads which, in addition to Ewan, included Naomi Watts, Ryan Gosling, and Bob Hoskins, all of whom can actually act. No amount of nudity would have made that hour and a half enjoyable. Which is why I contend that, while I generally won’t complain about nudity in a movie (unless it is completely extraneous, explotational, and in no way relevant to the plot), it’s not why I watch them.
Bwahaahaahaahaa! See? Bad movies can happen ANYtime, ANYwhere, even to a fair-minded cinematic optimist like you. Sounds “Stay” can stay away from further viewings, but I wonder: what if they re-released it as a “special edition,” and the only added scene consisted of Ewan writhing around on the floor for several minutes while being zapped with bolts of evil energy, a la Return of the Jedi? AND… he’s not even wearing a skin-tight black body sock, but rather just a kilt, or maybe even just a sock, and the DVD chapter guide gave you no clue where the new scene was inserted? Would you sit through it again? I might. ^^
You know, even that would not make me sit through that movie again. Because a) yes, it was that horrible- it’s one of the few movies I have rated only one star on Netflix; and b) that scene would be up on YouTube in a nanosecond.
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